WHY
A few weeks ago, while standing on the queue with some friends, waiting for the cinema doors to open for a movie. I saw my sister's friend and classmate way back in high school. And he so happened to have graduated in the same school I finished college. I said Hi to him and he did so to me and to a friend that was with me that he knew. And then we went on our separate ways.
After watching the movie, I received an SMS from an unknown sender. So I asked the person who sent it who he/she was. The person then replied immediately and said that it was him and was asking me if I have plans after the movie; and if im done watching it. I told him that my friends and I are leaving the cinema and are headed home. He asked if I were planning to have a drink, and if yes he'd like to accompany me. I declined and said that it was already that late and that I needed to get back home. I asked him where he got my number and said that he asked for it from a common friend and he said to her that, it was important that he gets it coz he has something important to tell me. I found it odd because all he asked if I were planning to have a drink, he even told me that he'd leave his friends asap as soon as I say the word.
Having been with a lot of guys, both friends and acquaintances, I sensed that there was something more to it than just asking me if I were to have a drink that night. I asked him what it is that he wanted, he then started telling me that he found me looking lovely that night and that maybe our friendship can turn into something more romantic; or something like that.
Now, the thing that bothers me the most is that, he is my younger sisters friend. It seemed and felt weird to consider him more than a mere friend. He's a sweet guy, but it just seemed very very weird for my part. I pointed that out to him but he just said that it is kind of weird, but he knows what he wants. And he just kept saying that we've both already graduated from college and that it wouldn't matter much. But it does for me. He is that type of guy that takes relationships seariously, as in fully committed to it. How can I consider him, if im not a believer of marriage and the rest of it.
Then it made me think today while I was riding the taxi. Why would people want to build romantic relationships with each other? I know that its the purpose of finding that would be long-time partner. But how about for those that would not want to be married nor have and raise a family? Why are they dating and being a relationship with someone, when they know for themselves that they don't want the BIG COMMITMENT; Marriage and fidelity. Wouldn't it be nice and hurt-free if those who do not want to get married date each other, or rather, don't date anyone at all? I mean what is really tha point of it all? Is it just for the kick of it? Is it about sex? Or is it maybe because deep inside, we want to experience to love and to be love, with the exception of raising a family.
I don't know what's going on everyone's mind, neither do I know what's on my mind.
However, there is that tiny voice in my mind that tells me that, maybe Im just afraid of the whole thing. Worried of what will my sister and some of her friends would say if I will entertain the idea of dating him, someone who's younger that I am. And maybe because Im also worried about what my friends would say that I considered someone younger, and someone who just graduated. Until now, I've only uncovered a small part of the real reason why I afraid of it. Afraid of taking a risk. Afraid of getting hurt again. Afraid. Afraid. Afraid. The fear I have about relationships, haunt me every single day and night. It occupies a lot of space in my mind if Im all alone and meditating. Is there something about it that I need to resolve? I hope that I'll find the answers. Even though, I have a gut feeling that it is already right infront of my face.
After watching the movie, I received an SMS from an unknown sender. So I asked the person who sent it who he/she was. The person then replied immediately and said that it was him and was asking me if I have plans after the movie; and if im done watching it. I told him that my friends and I are leaving the cinema and are headed home. He asked if I were planning to have a drink, and if yes he'd like to accompany me. I declined and said that it was already that late and that I needed to get back home. I asked him where he got my number and said that he asked for it from a common friend and he said to her that, it was important that he gets it coz he has something important to tell me. I found it odd because all he asked if I were planning to have a drink, he even told me that he'd leave his friends asap as soon as I say the word.
Having been with a lot of guys, both friends and acquaintances, I sensed that there was something more to it than just asking me if I were to have a drink that night. I asked him what it is that he wanted, he then started telling me that he found me looking lovely that night and that maybe our friendship can turn into something more romantic; or something like that.
Now, the thing that bothers me the most is that, he is my younger sisters friend. It seemed and felt weird to consider him more than a mere friend. He's a sweet guy, but it just seemed very very weird for my part. I pointed that out to him but he just said that it is kind of weird, but he knows what he wants. And he just kept saying that we've both already graduated from college and that it wouldn't matter much. But it does for me. He is that type of guy that takes relationships seariously, as in fully committed to it. How can I consider him, if im not a believer of marriage and the rest of it.
Then it made me think today while I was riding the taxi. Why would people want to build romantic relationships with each other? I know that its the purpose of finding that would be long-time partner. But how about for those that would not want to be married nor have and raise a family? Why are they dating and being a relationship with someone, when they know for themselves that they don't want the BIG COMMITMENT; Marriage and fidelity. Wouldn't it be nice and hurt-free if those who do not want to get married date each other, or rather, don't date anyone at all? I mean what is really tha point of it all? Is it just for the kick of it? Is it about sex? Or is it maybe because deep inside, we want to experience to love and to be love, with the exception of raising a family.
I don't know what's going on everyone's mind, neither do I know what's on my mind.
However, there is that tiny voice in my mind that tells me that, maybe Im just afraid of the whole thing. Worried of what will my sister and some of her friends would say if I will entertain the idea of dating him, someone who's younger that I am. And maybe because Im also worried about what my friends would say that I considered someone younger, and someone who just graduated. Until now, I've only uncovered a small part of the real reason why I afraid of it. Afraid of taking a risk. Afraid of getting hurt again. Afraid. Afraid. Afraid. The fear I have about relationships, haunt me every single day and night. It occupies a lot of space in my mind if Im all alone and meditating. Is there something about it that I need to resolve? I hope that I'll find the answers. Even though, I have a gut feeling that it is already right infront of my face.
Labels: fear, relationships
posted by || Life on Earth || at 12:34 AM
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